Things I Send to Recruiters

Composed on the 2nd of December in the year 2016, at 1:31 PM. It was Friday.

I get about two recruiter emails a week, because I work in a bubble industry that's getting fattened up for the inevitable slaughter. Once, they made me feel desired and capable. Then they were junk mail. Then they started finding my personal email addresses and they became obnoxious. I must a be a skeleton key considering how many companies think I'd be a great fit. Then you get annual trends when one clever recruiter's original cold mailing makes it to reddit and all the rest fall in line. Sort of how half the panhandlers on the subway were raising money for their school at 10am on a weekday, then they were definitely not raising money for their school but just trying to stay off the streets and now they all have families.

But one day I realized recruiter emails were something else altogether: writing prompts. From a captive audience.



Ladies and gentlemen, please!

Hi there! You should totally go buy my book for the low low price of 6.66! It's like buying me a beer at an out-of-the-way dive bar in Brooklyn! Not in Manhattan. Manhattan prices are ridiculous, though there are a couple of decent Irish dives where you can snag a drink for five bucks. Otherwise, you're looking at a two or three book beer.
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