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This blog is not recommended for children, teenagers, vegans, republicans, libertarians, hippies, christians, people who care about shit, militant atheists, hipsters, snobs, new yorkers, mainers, texans, people I work for, people I've worked for in the past, ex-girlfriends, annoying subway commuters, Steven Spielberg, or Alan T Pitt's Mother.

If you fall into one of these categories, you've been warned, so don't write me any bitchy messages about how I'm an asshole.

Hi there! You should totally go buy my book for the low low price of 6.73! It's like buying me a beer at an out-of-the-way dive bar in Brooklyn! Not in Manhattan. Manhattan prices are ridiculous, though there are a couple of decent Irish dives where you can snag a drink for five bucks. Otherwise, you're looking at a two or three book beer.