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Game of Cards

Composed on the 4th of March in the year 2015, at 1:29 PM. It was Wednesday.


LITTLE FINGER: A bold move. We know our dear friend Francis is one to bluff but I can’t bring myself to criticize the results of his …

FRANCIS UNDERWOOD: (to camera) He’s going to say a lot of words right now that I can’t be bothered to hear, but if I pretend to listen he’ll be sure he’s convinced me of something.

LITTLE FINGER: … or you die.


TYRION LANNISTER: Oh in the name of the Gods, Cercei, have some sympathy for the poor. Fold.

CERCEI: Maybe if you took a break from your whores you’d be able to stay in the game more often.

TYRION: Oh, I’m sorry, I had to make other arrangements since my sister’s cunt wasn’t available to me.

FRANCIS: (to camera) I like him.

CERCEI: Awful little troll.

FRANCIS: Now, now, let’s not get caught up in any drama while we’re having a perfectly nice game. Arya, the bet’s to you, and Doug, bring us all another round.


ARYA STARK: I hate this game.

VICTOR PETROV: You should take more a little more joy from life.

ARYA: Shut up! Call.

VICTOR: I see she is a fighter. Also small, and not bright.

ARYA: (muttering) Victor Petrov, Ser Ilyn Payne, Tywin Lannister…

DAENERYS TARGAYEN: I tap five mountains and a forest for Broodmother Dragon.

Silence. Tyrion squints at Daenerys’ cards.

TYRION: No, I don’t believe our friend is playing the same game. Where did you even get those?

FRANCIS: I must have left them out. Daenerys—

DAENERYS: Khaleesi.

FRANCIS: Khaleesi, forgive me, would you like to go over the rules again?

Daenerys throws her cards across the table and stands as Doug comes back in with drinks.

DAENERYS: No! I tire of this nonsense. I will take my leave. Doug! Will follow me? Do you not yearn to be free?

DOUG: No, ma’am.

DAENERYS: Very well.

She leaves.

CLAIRE UNDERWOOD: I’ll speak to her.

She follows Daenerys.

VICTOR: Wonderful! I’m sure that will be very helpful.

TYRION: Are you sure we’re not related?

LITTLE FINGER: I would be careful before being sure of anything.

JON SNOW: I will call.

VICTOR: With what? Let us speak plainly, you brought almost nothing to the table and you have less now.

JON: I swear as a brother of the Night’s Watch, I’m good for it.

VICTOR: Oh yes? And none of us here have broken a vow recently, have they?

CERSEI: I’ll loan him the money.

TYRION: I wouldn’t take that. A Lannister always raises interest rates in the fourth quarter.

CERSEI: And you wonder why father hates you?

TYRION: Not really.

FRANCIS: (to camera) I knew we had something in common. Daddy issues always make the man.

LITTLE FINGER: I believe prudence would best guide the day here. I will fold.

VICTOR: I will call the bet. Francis, your guests always seem to have a habit of fighting with each other.

FRANCIS: Yes, but they usually do it more politely. I’ll call too.

Claire returns.

FRANCIS: How did it go?

CLAIRE: We’re at war.

VICTOR: Excellent! Let us show our cards now.

They show their hands.

LITTLE FINGER: Jon, if you’re going to bluff, you have to raise.

JON: I wasn’t bluffing!

ARYA: With a pair of fours?

JON: I played honorably with what I had.

CLAIRE: Jon, it’s okay to fold now and then.


FRANCIS: I respect that, Jon, and you’re always welcome at my table.

VICTOR: Yes, please join me to play in Russia when you can. You will love the weather.

CERSEI: I can give you a twelve percent APR for two years.

ARYA: Why is Doug staring at me?

DOUG: What? I wasn’t.

ARYA: I’m getting my own drink.

She leaves.

DOUG: No, I’ll get it…

He follows her.

TYRION: Well, it looks like to the Victor go the spoils. Unless we consider the Broodmother Dragon.

FRANCIS: I don’t think we should consider the Magic cards fair play here.

TYRION: No? If I was betting on a dragon versus three kings, I’d wager on the dragon. Five kings, even.

ARYA: (from the kitchen) Get your hands off—

CLAIRE: Doug? Is everything okay in there?

Arya comes back in with a glass of milk.

ARYA: Everything’s fine.

CLAIRE: Is that blood on your hand?

ARYA: Must have cut myself.

Cue nostalgia.

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