And Then I Thought I was a Fish

IDENTIFYING INFORMATION: Peter Hunt Welch is a 20-year-old single Caucasian male who was residing in Bar Harbor, Maine this summer. He is a University of Maine at Orono student with no prior psychiatric history, who was admitted to the Acadia Hospital on an involuntary basis due to an acute level of confusion and disorganization, both behaviorally and cognitively. He was evaluated at MDI and was transferred from that facility due to psychosis, impulse thoughts, delusions, and disorientation.

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Observations of a Straight White Male with No Interesting Fetishes

Ever wondered how to justify your own righteousness even while you're constantly embarrassed by it? Or how to make a case for your own existence when you contribute nothing besides nominal labor to a faceless corporation that's probably exploiting children? Are you clinging desperately to an arbitrary social model imposed by your parents and childhood friends? Or screaming in terror, your mind unhinged at the prospect of an uncaring void racing to consume the very possibility of your life having meaning?

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Noware

This is the story of a boy, a girl, a phone, a cat, the end of the universe, and the terrible power of ennui.

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Proposal for New REST Methods

Composed on the 21st of March in the year 2015, at 4:06 PM. It was Saturday.

(Okay, okay, okay, they're technically HTTP methods for use with RESTful

services. It was late. I was tired. Stop writing to me.)

PLEASE

Move previous request ahead in queue by one position.

ICANT

End session and delete account.

WTF

Send email to system administrator reminding them to update the documentation.

GRRM

Delete a major, user-friendly application at random. Returns no explanation.

APPLE

Returns what you should have wanted, regardless of request parameters.

MICROSOFT

Returns what you asked for, but response is irrelevant to your project by the time it arrives. You will have to use it anyway.

PUTIN

Like PUT, but also transfers target domain to the sender's name servers.

BOREDNOW

Returns estimated time until the system tells you why your previous request failed.

NORRIS

Cancel all other processes and execute arbitrary code as root.

LEE

Cancel a NORRIS request.

INIGO

Find orphaned processes and delete user accounts responsible for them. Returns satisfaction.

SUP

Returns brah.

He doesn't know he has cancer yet.

Hi there! You should totally go buy my book for the low low price of 6.73! It's like buying me a beer at an out-of-the-way dive bar in Brooklyn! Not in Manhattan. Manhattan prices are ridiculous, though there are a couple of decent Irish dives where you can snag a drink for five bucks. Otherwise, you're looking at a two or three book beer.
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